Uncertainty feels like that person who enters into a room, unannounced, and decides to mess everything up. They are the silent and often time feels earth shattering, but their presence is needed.
In the past couple of months life has showed me how ugly uncertainty can get, but it has also showed me how beautiful it can get. Just to fill in the blanks, because you may be wondering what the heck is she talking about. In May 2023 I graduated from Howard University (HUUUU ..) with my Masters in Social Work. As May 11th crept up on me, the decision of whether I was going to be staying in the U.S. was also creeping up on me. You see, I am not a U.S. born, I am from Trinidad and Tobago, and due to my nationality it means that I would have to apply for am EAD card to ensure that I am able to legally work in the U.S.
Graduation came and graduation went, but the reality of it all stayed. The reality that soon I will have to make a choice. On June 26th, probably earlier than that, I decided I would try and work in the U.S. for the extra year that they allow us to do so. Little did I know that was the beginning of my uncertainty shit storm.
At this point I had some hope. Talking to faculty at my school and learning more about the process, I was under the impression that my EAD card would arrive right before my lease was scheduled to be terminated. I started cooking up a plan, apply for jobs in the mean time, secure a job, use the offer letter to apply for housing, move in. Ahhhhh if only plans worked out the way we imagined them.
August 1st came and baby, I didn't have the card BUT I had to job. Mind you, my lease is up August 13th, meaning I have 13th days to pray that my card arrives to ensure that my master plan actually comes through. I applied for an apartment thinking to myself - as long as I'm prepared, things will fall into place. Once again, little did I know.
Unfortunately, my plan did not end up working. I lost the security of housing, did not have a job, did not have my card, and now had to pack up my apartment and ask my brother to sleep on his couch until I can figure out what else to do.
That's the thing about uncertainty, it comes like a thief in the night. There are many things I'm learning through this process, but the one thing I've been learning through the lens of uncertainty is surrender. Many times we have a well laid out plan that we think is for us, but the universe/God always has something bigger and better.
In the meantime and in-between time, I have found myself picking up my podcast again. Developing it into something that I wouldn't have ever imagined because of the comfort of how I was living previously.
This is that journey.
Welcome to Behind Closed Doors.
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