"Everybody scared. Some just hide it better. No shame. Do it scared" Maya Nicole
Yesterday embodied the idea of "do it scared". I woke up with the goal to record a solo episode for my podcast, but as I started getting ready I started to feel the fear seep into my being. I started to create any and every excuse to not leave my brother's place: "oh its late already and it takes me an hour to get to Brooklyn Film Camera (the location I decided to film at), I don't know what to wear, I don't have a solid topic to talk about". These thoughts started to race through my head, like sonic on them tracks. I don't know exactly how I managed to get out the house, but I did. I wore my new pair of shades, which is now one of my favorite pairs, put on some makeup and headed out.
As I got closer to the location I started feeling scared again: "I don't have a solid topic to talk about. I don't have a solid topic to talk about". But instead of focusing on the thought, I decided to walk around and focus on getting film for my upcoming photo walk. Half an hour went by and I found myself browsing through their zine collection of local photographers. I eventually made my way to the cashier and bought my film and quickly went outside, even though I knew that this was the location I wanted to use to record my episode as they have a beautiful back yard that open to the public. Of course, I stalled again. I stood outside trying to think of different locations to go know, knowing this is where I planned to stay. I closed my eyes and went back inside, headed to the backyard and sat down. Taking in the silence, I meditated a little just to calm my nerves and started setting up.
"You can do this" I thought to myself as I got my camera and recorder hocked up. I turned them on and it was time to record .. "welcome back everyone .. to uhh .. another episode of Behind Closed Doors" the word stumbled out my mouth as I tried my best to push pass the fear of being seen in public recording AND also recording a solo episode. I pushed though. Even with the constant pauses to express my nervousness, I pushed through. Even when someone came outside and I stared to get more nervous, I pushed through.
Forty minutes went by and I recoded my first ever full length episode by myself! I couldn't stop smiling, even with the pauses and fear, I did it. I showed up and did it scared.
Everyone is scared to do something, everyone has those moments where fear speaks louder then their dream but it's okay to allow fear be there while you push for what you want. It isn't in the absence of fear that we should crave, but know we can do it even when fear is present.
Do it scared.
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